I’d like to tell you I’m falling in love again
But it is not a re-experiencing of an old feeling of falling.
It’s a new love.

I’d like to tell you I’m falling back in love with you, Rach,
But we are not falling backwards,
Nor facing backwards, Your Grace.
I am facing a new love for you.

Falling into a love
-Not backwards or forwards-
Spinning around in a new found,
Unconditional.
Everlove.

I was bouncing around in my own head,
Worrying myself over worries,
Disconnected through and through.
Madame Universe came in and slapped my face right,
Finally facing the right way.
Looking in front of me,
At you.

The softest cactus in the land;
A sapphic happy Texas flower.

You fell in love with my prickly
When all you needed was the sun and rain.

I fell out of love with myself at some point,
Broke my own heart,
And couldn’t see you anymore
For the beautiful, bountiful succulent you are.
I could only see the surrounding desert
The dry, the mirage of the heat, the hopelessness.

But we’ve just had a flood.

I want a future in this desert with you.
I want to watch you soak up the sun, and the rain,
And for us to grow together.

I am so in this love.
I am so in, love.

And I’m floating -no
Falling, spinning
Around in a new love

For the flood, and the heat, and the dirt,
And for you, the softest blooming succulent,
Texas’ sweetest cactus.

Have you ever seen the sunset from above?
When all you can see (and would ever want to see) 
Are the pink clouds blurring the baby blue forever sky,
Turning it into a dreamy lavender haze.  
Kissed by hot pink streaks swimming underneath you that simultaneously catch your eye and catch your breath. 
That promising navy miles below the layers of fading white puffs of water,
And the occasional wisp of magenta sun so close you reach out to touch it... 

I’d like to take you there,
Stay there with you forever

Because that few-second fantasy, that taste of pastel excitement;
That unmatchable beauty,
That undeniable majesty;
That perfect and reliable force of nature gifting us pause to be grateful,
Is how you make me feel all the time. 

I️ am a riddlemaker reinvented, relearning how to be in love  
I️ am an addict of ashen anxiety
I️ am the sister to a saver of the world 
I️ am a stage mother to my soul, a relentless father to my soles
I️ am an independent infant, ignorant, unaware of why it cries 
I️ am a weathervane-brain, shifted by the shade, sensitive to the slightest stimuli
And permanently married to impermanence
What am I️?

You tell me I’m your rock
Your home, your perfect partner. 

But I am not a rock
Not one, big boulder.

I am a rocky, stoney beach
I am a collection of different sized sediment
Mixed with the metamorphic and intertwined with igneous. 

I am a mountain today, an avalanche tomorrow, 
A microscopic fossil, and a skipping stone.

I am dry and slippery at the same time;
I am buried, stacked, and painted
And I am a sucker for paper.

I am not perfect, not even that reliable.
I am not stationary, nor sharp- at least, not on purpose. 

You are welcome to live in my caves
I will gladly house you, give you shelter and as much warmth as my walls of rock emit. 

I will gladly be your rocks.

‘The rocks are still; the water is not.
The water is still; the wind is not.
I am the wind moving across the rocks.
I am the rocks solid in the water.’

I am standing in the rain. 

I am standing still, I am paralyzed. 
Yes, I put myself there, but I cannot get myself out. 

I am standing, asking you,
Begging you for help. 
To get me out of the rain, to dry me off, to hold me. 

You are standing there in the doorway, dry, watching me. 
You tell me you can’t help me until I show you I want to be helped, 
You won’t hold me until I move. 

But I can’t move. 

I can only stand, still, drenched.
And you can only watch, waiting. 

Until you are in the rain, too. 

You. (glorious you)

Stand out. (stand up, are lovely) 

To me. (grateful me)